Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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