"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
