So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
