how can u be prego again
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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