you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
