i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
