You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
