why didn't you poke me back
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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