you guys were way drunker than both of me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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