I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
