my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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