If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
