I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize