We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
