Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Too much gin, very little bucket
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
