I think my vagina is haunted
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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