Are we in a gay sports bar?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
