I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
