I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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