Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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