my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
