I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
