TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
