The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize