How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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