i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
3 2 1 whiskey
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
