dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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