i think i have herpe
just one?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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