I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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