you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
