I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
as a side note pls kill me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
