I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
