wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
