thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
