i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
