This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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