She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
