how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
