She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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