There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
