Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
