Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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