Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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