As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In America we eat man semen.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
