Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
