just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize