I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
