First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
