Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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