Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
