I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
