I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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