Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
