I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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