So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
