If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
