Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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