Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
