someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
