I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
