im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
