i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Randomize
