Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
