I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
