I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
