i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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