Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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