My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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