taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
