I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize