Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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