Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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