I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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