I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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