He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
