two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
