alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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