bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize