trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A+ Viking dick
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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