Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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