Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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