Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
