i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
