I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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