Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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