I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
