EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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