my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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