the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
