btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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