At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
